CTRC Appointment today was good.

It actually was the easiest meeting we've had being at the doctors. Nothing new to worry or fret over and it went very smooth. We still have to keep watch over the bloody noses, anemia, hematomas from the blood thinner shots, nausea, and vomitting, but other than that things are looking good. Mom is worried about a few silly pounds that she has put on, but as the doctors say... they would rather her gain weight than lose weight.

She is keeping her spirits up and seems to be handling it well. I know that she is frustrated a bit at times and still feeling lonely, but it is really hard going through this. She mainly is just trying not think about it and keep herself busy so she won't think about it.

I ask if you see her just give her a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Don't feel bad if she starts tearing up, they tears of friendship and knowing that she is not alone and people care about her.

Thank you all.

-Vanessa

Overwhelming....

We are all overwhelmed. We don't know what the future holds, but for now we are so happy that my mom's tumor's are shrinking. I wish that the doctors would continue the chemo because she is handling it so well. Her hair is shedding, but it has not fallen out completely, she does have nose bleeds, and nausea. Even though these are her symptoms, it could be worse and I don't want to focus on that. she is doing so well and she is the most amazing woman I have ever met. I am proud of her and proud to be her daughter.

I still can't believe it ever happened. I wish my brothers would write on here about how they feel and deal with it. Because I find it very difficult to be the only one saying anything and talking about my mom's condition. It is really hard and it hurts everyday. I am trying to be strong for my mother, but it still hurts and its hard. I love her very much and I pray that god will heal her. He is healing her.

If you see my mom, please give her the biggest hug you have ever given and just tell her you love her even if you don't know her that well. And if you don't know her that well, you should really try... because she is the most amazing woman (educated, traveled, experienced) you will ever meet. She's been to Africa.. Ask her about it....  ask her about France, Prague, Scotland, Her travels........ Ask her......

I keep telling her to write a book... encourage her to do it, because she should.

Love,

Nessa

My mom is really brave and will forever be an idol of mine

I love my mother, she may not recognize it because of our difficulties in communication as a daughter and mother relationship. It is really hard to have conversations that are so emotional, but I will always look up to her as I always have. We may not get along or agree on things, but I will forever hold her in my heart as one of the most amazing persons I have ever been blessed to know. I am even more blessed to be so lucky as to have her as my mother. I pray that she knows how much she means to me. She truly is an awesome (in every meaning of the word-awesome) woman! She is so giving and kind. She is always doing so much for others. A true humanitarian. She is very inspiring in all of her knowledge and never ending search for truth and honesty... Even though it is difficult to find that truth and honesty that we all want to avoid within ourselves.

I wish we could all be honest. Honest with each other always and not be afraid to speak of our fears or vulnerabilities and accept that we may not want to hear what is said; But in what may be said can come happiness and peace because we can all be accepting of each other and our feelings and our fears.

I hope that of you all who do read this blog will share your thoughts and I also hope that we can all learn from these experiences and try better ourselves.

Peace be with you.

-Vanessa Hudson Reyes   : )

Round 5, finally happened.. took forever....

I should first write about the fact that mom has to give herself shots in the stomach now because of that thrombosis (blood clot) in the right jugular vein. The shots make her dizzy for a while and she has to do it twice a day- 6:30am and 6:30pm, every day. Its one more thing that is complicated and difficult.

Anyway, mom was able to get her fifth round of chemo on thursday. She was there at 7am and had to wait till about 1pm before she was able to get the chemo. Interestingly, she was next to another guy that was getting chemo for testicular cancer and he was in jail for burglary and had a guard the entire time watching him. I think its really great that our current healthcare is so giving to criminals who get it for free and yet if you own a home or make just above the margin for qualification of certain help (regardless of how much debt you may have because that doesn't count at all)... I could go on, but I don't see a point in it anymore. The world  and government is so corrupt. I told my mom today that maybe she shoud just go commit a felony and then she will get it for free like the criminals do. It was in poor taste for me to say that, but there is a part of me where none of this makes sense. And I have questions and possibly still looking for an answer or something to blame. So far I know I can blame beaurocracy and big Pharma. It is who you know and how much money you have or how affluent you are. I am saddened that we can't just look at people and see them as our own brothren or god's children and just help each other. I know many have lost their path or maybe never even knew they had one becuase of the way they were raised.
Cancer frightens me becuase there is no specific scenario, Do you have a choice and what do you do.

There is a little voice inside of all of us that tells us what we should do or not do. We should all remember to listen and follow the litte voice. Listen to our angel. It is our most comforting tool, and we should go with it.
Anyhow, Mom went to round 5 and did well. I brought her liver and onions for lunch from lubys because she needs more iron. She also ate some spinach. I love that. I am glad becaues I am worried about her anemia coming back. She had a really bad bout last year. So with these blood thinning anticoagulants you can imagine that there are severe side effects and anemia is one them which she is prone to.
Please comment an paste your concerms. Share you story too. We all feel alone and it is hard sometimes.

Thank you

Dr's appointment today-Mostly good, but some complications.

S we met with the new Dr today, but first we sat and spoke with his P.A. who took forever to tell us the good news and the anticipation was so stressful and unnerving that when he finally told us mom's tumors have shrunk a little more and that most likely the new doctor will continue to round 5 and round 6, she bursted with tears. We are so happy that the chemo is still working. I knew it was. My faith is strong and I believe God is healing her. The newest CT scan showed the thickening of the pleural has reduced a little and that the tumors are a little smaller in size. One tumor that was 13 mm at round 2 is now at 10mm. Also, the scan showed no fluid build up in the pleural space. So, even though all this is great news one thing did show up in the scan that was incidental and a complete accident that they found it. They found a thrombosis in the right jugular vein. This means she has a blood clot. They took an ultrasound of her neck and said it most likely developed within the last 10 days. Dr says it is a common side effect of the chemo. Now she has to be worried about pulmonary embolism. Dr. gave her a prescription for Lovenox which is a really expensive ($1500month) anticoagulant (blood thinner). This drug is taken by injection into the stomach every 12 hours. Some of its side effects can include more nausea, redness, swelling, bleeding (which is not good with a blood thinner), redness and rash, and anemia. Anemia is a concern for mom because last year she battled with anemia as well. So we really need to watch out for bleeding which can lead to hemorrhaging and the anemia which can do the same.
Anyway, so after learning all that. The new Dr. tells us that he believes continuing to round 6 is a good idea (YES!!!) and after that she will continue on a maintenance program. He said possibly the maintenance program will consist of the Alimta and Avastin (she is already taking both as part of her chemo regimen. The only one left out will be the carboplatin).
So, today was supposed to be round 5 after the doctor's appointment and ultrasound, but her blood work came back and her white blood cell count was too low again. She will try again on thursday for round 5. So between now and then lots of cooked veggies and fish to eat and lots of water for her immune system. She did get her Lovenox medicine so she started the first dose this evening. She is so strong. Continue praying. We thank you so much. God bless you.

-Vanessa Hudson Reyes

Depression and Family

Its been really hard going through all the emotions. I think we are all upset and trying to avoid the reality of what Mom's diagnosis is. I think she is trying to avoid it too as much as possible. Family,moms, dads, sons, daughters, brothers and sisters. There are so many aspects of life that we all have to be responsible for. We have to be there for each other and not fight or be destructive because we are afraid to communicate with one another. I understand that we all secretly want someone to blame or to find a reason, but the reality is that with cancer there is no answer.

I really do believe that she will beat this cancer. I have faith in God and that His will is to heal her. I pray that my family will be able to come together and be open, truly open and communicate.

My mom has agreed to go to therapy with me. I think this is huge. We definitely need this to be able to truly say everything that we harbor inside both of us and to let out our frustrations and anger with this disease out and not on each other because we love each other so much and at times it is difficult to not be mad or really sad and want to put blame on something or be angry at something. I am speaking from my heart and I know that we are all upset and hurting and trying to hide it. I don't want to hide it anymore. I don't want to have anything festering inside of me or my family and I don't want anything to hold me or my family back. We need to be able discuss all of this and so even though I know we are all depressed and trying to hide it, we are going to be talk about it with a professional. Thank you. Thank you all for being a part of our lives.

God Bless America.

-Vanessa Hudson Reyes

I love you so much mom

I just want you to know how much I love you. I love you and there are no words to describe how much

Some of the difficulties of going through cancer

Loneliness, is a major part of this. Its not just lonely for the person that is going through it, but the family around the person feels it too. Loneliness is difficult. You experience it even when you look your friends in the face. You feel it almost all the time. You don't feel it when you preoccupy yourself with other things to do or work. My mom is able to go to work. She is exhausted by it, but it helps her keep her mind off things. I know she feels lonely. I've always worried about her, even before she was diagnosed with cancer about her loneliness. I wish and hope that in this fight she will feel us all with her. This disease can be condemning, but it doesn't have to be. I really don't want to believe that its happened, but it has. I don't understand why it has happened to my mom because she is a good woman. Regardless, its happened and I know she will get through this.

I've always believed that everything in life happens for a reason. Maybe she can help science or faith in people. Her being diagnosed has solidified my faith! I pray that my mom will overcome this. I don't care if everyone else thinks I'm crazy for believing in the healing power of God. He is healing her.

 My mom is an amazing person, who is getting herself out there every day and continues to do for others, but I know that she feels lonely. She is in this fight for her life by herself because only she can face what she is going through. None of us will ever know what she is feeling. I pray that she knows we are all here for her. How can we show it? We can talk to her and not be afraid to speak our mind. We can all discuss things not of generalties, but our true nature and being. How can we let her know that she is not alone? We can all let her know she is not alone because we all feel that way and we are all afraid of things and thats why we can count on each other and are here for each other. We are all scared of what we don't know. However, we can be there for each other. How do we know when our last day is. We don't. It can be anything. It can happen today or tomorrow; a car accident or 10 years from now. We certainly have no idea with cancer. Cancer is a weird disease. It can go away in some people and they become No Evidence of Disease and live happily. I believe it can happen that way in my mom. She has a cancer inside of her and we can fix it. Can we make her better? I have faith in God that we can. God will heal her. It is his will. We can pray:
"Be strong and of good courage; Be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: For the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest." Joshua 1:9

My mom gave be this prayer when I was a kid. I have always believed there was someone, supernatural, with me. My faith is solid. I believe in the Lord and I believe it his will to heal her.

-Vanessa Hudson Reyes