It has been a really rough month. Mom has really declined so fast and now that we are at the end time seems so slow. I think in the family we are all exhausted and emotionally drained. I know I feel like a bit of a zombie. My brothers are here and one is in the living room resting on the couch and the other upstairs trying to get a little rest too. I am in the room with mom and the hospice nurse. My brothers and I are helping each other and are beginning to tell stories together and share in laughter.
Today has been the most peaceful. She has been so restless, but today she has been calm. Her breathing is stable, slowed but steady at about 15 breaths per minute. Her heart is slowed and she is sleeping but does wake a little and hears us talk to her and pray with her.
She wanted to make to today, wednesday May 2. She has officially made it a year since she was told it was cancer. Even though her official diagnosis of cancer wasn't till friday the 13th of May last year, she was told it was most probably cancer before then and that they just needed to figure out what type. So she has now made it one year.
I think May 2nd holds another meaning for her, but I'm not sure what. Throughout her battle with cancer each change in treatment or condition has coincided with some form of a holiday. I'd be curious to know if anyone knows if May 2nd has another special meaning to her that maybe we as the children don't know.
If she does pass on tonight, my older brother has let me know that the memorial will be friday and the service on saturday. There's still a lot of work to do, but my brothers have done a really great job trying to organize her affairs.
Anyway, I will write more tomorrow.
God bless! And thank you for your continued prayers.
-Vanessa
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